Growing up, I remember hearing my father say to my mother, “girls are useless."
My father expected to have all boys, and when I came around, he was a bit less than thrilled.
When my father grabbed the car keys, my mother and all us kids would sigh a huge breath of relief. He couldn’t leave quickly enough. Finally, some peace in the house.
The phrases “please don’t” or “please stop” were on repeat in my life, and played over and over in my head!
To my father, I was never enough.
I struggled with the mental noise. I couldn't turn it off.
That repetition created fear and guilt.
And those feelings started to take over.
I just wanted to numb the pain and quiet the noise in my mind.
My only real mentor, my guardian angel, my aunt, passed away.
I was broken.